This is the first time I write blog... I write tis blog is because i have many feelings wan to write out.. After exam, during the holidays, i went to a camp at Johor from 30May-3June n also take part in moskod competition... tis is the first time i take tis competition. I felt very pekcek because after many times practice i still can't complete the answer... i memorize many times liao but i dun know why i still can forget...
i hate myself... 我觉得自己很失败，我很怕会连累我的队友...
when reach there, we still continue our practices... i felt i am useless, my answer always wrong.. 我看到他们sien sien的样子, 我怪自己拖慢了那个进度... i felt very sad n my mood is very down... when senior n XX scold me why like tat, i wan cry out liao...
i felt very sad because nobody care my feelings... i'm angry when senior scold me in front of junior because they only know scold n dun know me hav many pressure.. they also dun know i'm sad until cry inside the sleeping bag... eventhough my other F4 fren also dun know... i am break the record that cry so many times and felt so so sad~~~ i onli discuss my problem wif mc but something i also no say out.... i dun know i can say to who, i no trust anybody already... After finish the moskod competition, i think tat i am the most useless person because i already know the result is very bad.. i felt very scare about the result... i already try my best but somebody din trust me... i felt very dissapointed about them... when we go canteen after the competition, we discuss about the competition. XX ask us got try our best or not but i know that she is asking me onli... i know that she 看不起me, she maybe think me is stupid... i know something i cannot do until the best but i also try liao... I felt very sad when i know XX say like tat to mc... she say when we take part in the chung ling gadjet competition, me n meng pei at there只是为了要填满空位，根本就没有用... she say she n em do onli, everything she also help me cover... i straight cry out when i listen about it, now i just know she tot me is useless... why my fren will think like tat about me???? maybe i like tat la, but i also got do things about the competition... 我对他们很失望... i think to quit girl guide at that time, becausei think i cant 面对她了... 我很想什么东西都不要管，因为我真的好累好累了...我很后悔去这个camp because i no felt happy everyday... even i'm smile everyday but my heart is crying... tis is the first time i got tis feeling but who will understand me leh? i think the words she say when i saw her... i cant go canteen wif her anymore but i dun know how to say to her...我真的不想把事情弄到酱严重，可是我控制不住我自己... when mc call me scold her but i cant say out the words... tis time de feelings not same wif last time chung ling camp... tat time i cry is because 我对junior失望... but tis time is because 我对朋友失望... i don wan to say out who is XX, let u all guess la... I cry many times when bac to home... i go the ghost house at the camp... i felt tat my junior wan jhuin n yi ling very brave, i proud about them... tis time i very like joanne n jing ling because they change many in tis camp^^ i no say about the happiness things because the sadness things is more than happiness things...一日童军，一世童军这个东西我怕我做不到～～～
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